Special Offer

A Portion of Dragon and Chips Book One

Ebook :

Paypal (mobi/epub)



B&N (Nook)iTunes


Google Play

Welcome to the Old Kingdom!

It's a wonderful time to visit! There's lots to do and plenty to see!

Participate* in a public execution!
Wave a pathetic little sword at the Queen's Champion! (With luck**, become the new champion!)
Practice real magic*** in public!
Make fun of the Halfling**** and experience excruciating pain!
But most of all, enjoy A Portion of Dragon and Chips.

What are you waiting for? Dive into the Old Kingdom right now! *****

* Note: you won't be the one swinging the axe.
** You'll need it.
*** Abracadon't. Seriously.
**** His name is Runt, and he's just tall enough to reach your groin. With his knife.
***** Try not to land on a giant sea serpent. Tourists give them indigestion.

Featuring Clunk - the beloved robot from the Hal Spacejock series - as well as the oddball protagonists from The Desolator, this novel promises to bring you the biggest laughs of the year.

Sign up for my newsletter and get A Portion of Dragon and Chips ... Free!

The Robot vs Dragons series of fantasy comedy novels by Simon Haynes

Those dark, gritty, fantasy series would be much better with a large dollop of humour. Here's the dollop!

1. A Portion of Dragon and Chips (Out Now!)

2. A Butt of Heads (Sept 2018)

3. A Pair of Nuts on the Throne (Oct 2018)

FAQ (Updated July 2018)

What's it about?
If you've read the description above, you know as much as I do. I can tell you it will feature several characters from The Desolator, my fantasy/comedy short.

Sounds cool, when will this be released?
The first draft is finished, and you can already pre-order your copy of the novel (see links above.) Release date is August 20, 2018.

Where did you get the idea for this madness?
April 1st, 2018. I put together a joke cover for the book and announced it on social media as a joke. Within three hours I realised I was going to have to to write it.

Can't you just write more Hal Spacejock?
Hal Spacejock 9: Max Damage is already planned. In fact, I have Hal Spacejock novels planned all the way up to #22, but that's too scary to contemplate.

Will Hal Spacejock and Clunk appear in this novel?
Are you kidding? Clunk is the STAR of this novel! As for Hal ... who knows?

Stay in touch!

Follow me on Facebook
and Twitter