I'm Simon Haynes, programmer and author. Welcome to my website.

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I offer signed copies of my novels.

What do I write?

The Hal Spacejock Series (Teen/Adult)


New Release!

H2 2018

A Butt of Heads

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The Robot vs Dragons series of fantasy comedy novels by Simon Haynes

Those dark, gritty, fantasy series would be much better with a large dollop of humour. Here's the dollop!

1. A Portion of Dragon and Chips (Aug 2018)

2. A Butt of Heads (Sept 2018)

3. A Pair of Nuts on the Throne (Oct/Nov 2018)

All ebooks priced at US $4.99/GBP 3.99

Events are unfolding at a breakneck pace in the Old Kingdom!

Laugh as your favourite characters spit in the face of danger ... then run for the hills.
Admire the verbal jousting and witty wordplay ... or is it the other way round?
Gasp as kings and queens lose their heads.
'Enjoy' the groanworthy puns and suffer the slings and arrows of poorly-trained archers.

But wait, there's more ...
Prepare to be amazed as you learn exactly what Clunk's building in his makeshift workshop!

This novel is a sequel to A Portion of Dragon and Chips, which must be read first to maximise your enjoyment and my royalties.

Join my mailing list for a regular newsletter with progress reports on this series! As a bonus you'll get a free audiobook narrated by Simon Haynes.

FAQ (Updated June 2018)

Where did you get the idea for this madness?
April 2018. April 1st, to be exact. I put together a joke cover for the book and announced it on social media. Within three hours I realised I was going to have to to write it.

Can't you just write more Hal Spacejock?
I will, after this one. Hal Spacejock 9: Max Damage is already planned. In fact, I have Hal Spacejock novels planned all the way up to #22, but that's too scary to contemplate.

Will Hal Spacejock and Clunk appear in this novel?
Are you kidding? Clunk is the STAR of this novel! As for Hal ... who knows?

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